I have to admit, I have felt it rarely during church meetings since Brigham has been born. I have been nervous about posting this, because I don't want you all to think I'm this horrible Mormon....but it came to me, that most of you are or have been in my situation, and maybe you all have advice. Before Brigham, I was able to really concentrate on the sacrament prayers, understand the meaning, reflect, enjoy talks, but now...with one VERY squirmy, crazy baby boy, I have not been able to. My three hours of worship are no longer worshipping the way I am used to. I am chasing Brigham through the 2nd and 3rd hour, and sacrament meeting is all about keeping him quiet, so as not to be a disturbance to others. I think this has been the root of many of my frustrations and inner-self problems these past few months. Tom is not sparred either, during sacrament meeting. We talked about it yesterday and He has definitely noticed a big difference in what he takes from the meeting. But he does teach Sunday school, and sometimes Priesthood, so I am usually with Brigham during those hours...so at least he has that time to ponder, reflect and learn.
I'm not trying to "complain" because it is a fact of life...I have a little baby who can't understand what's going on...its certainly not his fault---and other than those 3 hours, he provides me with more love and hope and understanding of Heavenly Father's miracles than I would never have felt unless I had him. I guess what the point of this entry is to vent a little, but to ask, What should I do? Throughout the week I am prayerful and thoughtful in matters of Christ. I read scriptures (although a lot less as of late...) I feel the spirit throughout the week in situations that would call for it, but there is something (obviously) very special about Sunday's and I feel like I am missing out. Is this just life? Should I just be prepared to give up that feeling for the next decade or so? Do any of you feel this same way?
I am so grateful that I am aware of the fulness of the Gospel...that I have it at my fingertips and that I know of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and their eternal love and guidance. That I know I am loved and led by an amazing Prophet and wise and loving Apostles.....I am just struggling with this aspect of worship and hope I can overcome it.
Thanks for reading my ramblings.
2 comments:
This is all part of being a mom. You are teaching Briggy even at this young age about church. We give up our needs for our children. Our Heavenly Father knows of your daily sacrifices, you'll be blessed. Try switching off with Tom. You take care of Brig one Sunday then let Tom have him the next. This is a hard age for little ones, until about 18 months. I remember wanting to cry many times. Marcus was super tough. He has gotten better.Most Sundays he'll go sit with another family. He's loved by all!
I know what you are talking about. I don't think it gets easier any time soon either. Owen is such a handful in Sacrament Meeting...I'm dreading the day Holly wakes up and wants attention during Sacrament Meeting too. It would be so easy to just stop going until they were older...but not a good idea. Once you get out of the habit of going to church it's easy to stay in the habit. So even though I can't really pay attention during church I still go because it's where I'm suppose to be on Sunday. I just take my spiritual moments when I can get them...even if they aren't at church.
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